I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
