Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
