can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
