Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
