Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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