i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
