Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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