You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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