the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
