OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize