I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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