I'm pants shitting drunk right now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
