if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
