Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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