How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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