And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
