in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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