fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
