I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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