we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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