His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
