at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
