I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
