ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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