I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
