I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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