My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
