# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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