I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
