this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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