Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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