I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
