Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
