Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My bed smells like the plague
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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