she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
