She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
