Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
