So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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