Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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