I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
