I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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