Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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