Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
