He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
