Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
