I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
