I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
