You can't special order awesome
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
