So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think people are normalizing furries
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