This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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