The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
