whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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