Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
