We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
