I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
