wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
