Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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