i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
