your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
