Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize