Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
