are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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