If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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