after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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