ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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